A Hidden Feeling
by Unconscious-Regret
Summary: Brand new, never before seen chapter! More coming soon! Formerly All Bottled Up
1. The Call

_**Author Note:**There are some stories that just insist on being told. They take up residence in that corner of your mind reserved for private thoughts, and they nag at you, sometimes incessantly, sometimes quietly, sometimes in the middle of the night when you aren't sure if you're dreaming or awake. If you don't listen to them, they take a seat and stay put until finally, out of desperation you agree to listen and write. A Hidden Feeling (formerly All Bottled Up) is one such story. It first came to me about a year and a half ago when I was talking to some friends about what I wished would happen. I listened to the story for a minute before pushing it to the back of my mind…this was before I discovered Fan Fic mind you…I thought to myself "What's the point of writing something that no one else is ever gonna read?" So I told the voice to shut up, leave me alone. It quieted but didn't leave. But even as I thought the words, silently listing the reasons, I knew this story wasn't leaving anytime soon. It hung around for a couple of months, bugging me at some of the most random moments, reminding me it was waiting. Pretty soon it started taking over; it was all I could think about. Then one day I was on a forum, and there was something about a site called Fanfiction (coincidence? I think not) and I decided to check it out, see what all the buzz was about. I read stories, asked questions, made some friends, and as we talked more I began revealing what was going on in my head, and, to my surprise, they backed me completely! Only I remained secretly doubting my ability to pull this off. A couple days after this amazing discovery, I finally sat down and let the words flow. At times it was like the words just came, and I had no idea where from, no recollection of ever even thinking the words. It was as if the story had taken complete control of my brain (not exactly the best realization…makes you wonder if you're going crazy…haha). **This** is that story. Many revisions, big and small, have been made over the course of what I have written so far. And even though I've had many rave reviews about the previous postings, there are often moments when I doubt myself…but now, now I have people who understand how a writers mind works –at least to a degree-, people who understand what it is I'm thinking, to help me through those periods of self doubt and writers block…and I want to thank those people, who have stuck with me through everything , through all the cliffhangers, the long periods of not updating, and those who've helped me through writers block…you know who you are, and I'm so unbelievingly grateful for your support... And of course I can't leave out that one 'stranger on the bus' who read **all 25** chapters in one sitting, without taking a break (**I** can't even do that!) you've been absolutely amazing, I don't know what I would do without your support, and you know that this story isn't all I'm talking about…I have a feeling we're gonna be friends for a looooong long time…**all** of us, not just my lil stranger…oh and btw, Anie, we are **so** still on for that JW concert…California here I come! I love you guys with **all** my heart, so now, after this could be chapter of a note, after a 10 month absence, we have the revival of Ray, Abby, Madison, and the rest of the gang!!! I hope you guys love it…I've put a lot of work into it, and I can't wait to see what you guys think!!!_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own ER, Maura Tierney, Parminder Nagra (I think I spelt that right), or Shane West (I wish I did...and note to all you ladies, he is my future husband, even though he doesn't know it yet, so hands off!)… I however do own any characters you do not recognize…

* * *

_

_Chapter 1: The Call _

**Early Monday Evening**

Narrator

His shift had just ended, and he was in the lounge, gathering his things from his locker. It had been a long, hard, tiring shift, and he just wanted to go home, have a cold beer, take a hot shower, and crawl in bed. He tried to hurry, knowing that if a trauma rolled in, he would have to stay and help. Pratt was out with the flu, Morris was MIA -as usual-, and the only other people on were Abby, Luka, and one of the newer interns. His cell phone rang, he didn't recognize the number, but he answered it anyway. You never know if it might be some hot chick you'd had a one night stand with, wanting more.

As soon as he heard the voice on the other line, a look of pure hatred crossed his face.

"What do you want?" he asked his voice hard.

As the person on the other line answered, all color drained from his face, and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.

* * *

Abby's P.O.V

I walked in, and immediately noticed the pained look on unusually his pale face,

"Ray, what's wrong?"

He just shook his head, and began to speak.

"You were supposed to take care of her!" He burst, "You promised." He spit out, scoffing. "I should have known better. But what else is new, you don't care about anyone or anything but yourself and your booze and _whatever_ else you're doing…"

I couldn't believe the amount of hate in his voice.

"I cannot fucking believe you! I knew it was a bad idea, leaving her with you! I'm coming down and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Watch your back Chris; you know I mean what I say."

He hung up, dropped his head into his hands, and took a deep, shuddering breath as he tried to regain his composure. Frankly, I was shocked to see this side of him; I had always assumed he cared only about himself and his music. I had obviously been wrong about him, and I know I wasn't the only one. He _had _been better with his patients lately, but we had all just chalked it up to living with Neela. Still, I didn't quite know how to deal with this discovery

I tentatively his arm and he slowly raised his head, blinking as if realizing for the first time that I was in the room.

"What's wrong?" I asked him again.

"Nothing." He replied, trying to brush past me, but I blocked his path. He was lying and he knew that I knew he was lying. After all, I knew a little bit about lying myself.

"Something's wrong, I can tell. Don't try and act like everything's all right, because I can see right past it. Your eyes show everything, Ray. Whatever it is it hurts. It doesn't help to keep it bottled up inside. If anything the problem just gets bigger."

He walked over, almost resignedly and sat down on the couch, motioning for me to sit down next to him. I sat down beside him, and he began to talk.

* * *

_I hope you guys liked it…please review so I know what you think…I will be posting more as the night goes on!!_

_X0X0X_

_Katy_


	2. The Dilemna

_**Disclaimer: **All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 2: The Dilemma _

**Early Monday Evening**

Rays P.O.V

"That was my father." I began, my voice bitter. "He left when I was eight, while Mom was pregnant with Madison. When I was 16, he decided he wanted to be a part of our lives again. Madi was 8 and she accepted him with open arms. She'd always hated the fact that she didn't have a father, and most likely resented the fact that I wasn't able to be _just_ her brother; I also had to play father to her. _I_ however, refused to accept Chris back into my life. I remembered the things he had done to us, and I didn't want it to happen again, ever. But Madi just didn't understand. I don't know, I guess she thought that I wanted her and mom all to myself. Over the years she had pretty much built him up to hero status in her mind; he could do no wrong, and she didn't want to believe anything else, wouldn't believe anything else. I never told her the things that he had done to mom and me, it would only upset her. Two years later, my mom died, and Chris gained custody of both of us. It was my senior year, and it passed in a blur. I finished high school, and somehow managed to win a full scholarship to the college of my choice, despite all the trouble I'd gotten into over the years. The night before I left for college, I promised Madi I would come for her as soon as possible, once I was finished with college and had a pretty good job. I worked my way through med school, and landed this internship. It's been at least 6 years since I made that promise, and I still haven't made good on it. I think about her every day, call her whenever I get the chance, but I haven't seen her since I left, when she was 11. God I can't believe how long it's been. Time flies by so quickly."

"God Ray, that's awful. I take it something's happened to her, judging by your reaction?"

"She's in the hospital, and I'm sure she's terrified. She hasn't stepped foot in a hospital since our mom died. She hates them. I need to get there, and I've got 9 days of vacation, starting at the end of this shift. The only problem is that my car is in the shop, and I can't borrow Neela's because she's on her way to Michigan, as we speak. I can't afford a rental _and_ a U-Haul to get her stuff here. I have no idea what I'm going to do." I glanced over to see what she thought of everything I had just spilled out. She was thinking about it pretty hard, judging by the expression on her face.

'I can take you." She said after about five minutes.

"Abby, you don't have to do that. It's not like I was expecting you to offer just because I told you what was going on."

"First of all, I don't mind at all. In fact I want to go; I need a change of scenery." We both chuckled at that, "And second, what makes you think I was offering out of pity? _I _was the one who asked you to talk to me, not the other way around. You're supposed to be a doctor Barnett, get your facts straight!" That got a real smile out of him. He held his hands up in mock defeat,

"Ok, ok! Seeing as you've made a rather _convincing_ argument, there is _one_ other thing you're forgetting about."

"And what would that be?"

"Work."

"That's not a problem; I actually have 9 days off starting at the end of this shift."

"Well…okay…if you're sure. When does your shift end?"

She looked down at her watch,

"Actually, it ended 5 minutes ago…Let me hand off my patients and grab my stuff, and I'll meet you in the ambulance bay in 10 minutes."

"Yeah, sure, that's good." I said distractedly.

"This shouldn't take too long, than we can head over to your place to get whatever you'll need, stop by at my place, and then hit the road."

"Take your time."

She could tell that I only said it so that I didn't seem pushy or something. She started for the door and I followed close behind. She stopped abruptly and turned around to face me, asking

"Ray, what _exactly_ happened to your sister?"

That stopped me dead in my tracks.

"I…I don't know. He said she was in the hospital and I freaked."

"Oh."

* * *

Thats all folks! You know what to do! 


	3. Gossip

_**Disclaimer: **All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 3: Gossip _

**Early Monday Evening**

Sam's P.O.V

I was leaning against the admit desk, eyeing the door to the lounge warily, when Luka came up behind me, encircling me with his arms. He followed my gaze, then looked towards me, eyebrows raised.

"What's up?" he asked, curiously.

"They sure have been in there awhile."

"Who's been in there awhile?"

"Ray and Abby."

"And why are you so concerned about Abby and Ray being alone in there together?"

"Well…it's just I heard Ray yelling a little while ago."

"At Abby?" Luka burst, eyes flashing.

"No, no he started yelling just before she walked in. He sounded pretty upset, even though I couldn't understand what was being said." I quickly reassured Luka.

Just then the door swung open, and Abby walked out. Ray followed, rubbing his hand over his face. We immediately noticed how pale and drawn his face was, and the worry that showed clearly in his eyes. Abby turned to face him, and asked him something, he looked dumbstruck and quickly replied before turning and walking out of the doors. Abby headed toward the admit desk where we stood.

"Sooo…what was that all about?" Luka asked her.

"Ray got some bad news, and I was helping him sort some stuff out."

"We?" I asked teasingly, eyebrows raised. "As in plural?"

"Yes, we. As in plural. Someone in his family is in the hospital, and he doesn't have a way to get there. We both have the next week off, so I offered to take him. It's as simple as that. A friend helping a friend. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Ray has a family?" I asked, disbelievingly.

"Evidently. But you guys didn't hear it from me…"

"My lips are sealed." Luka said.

"Mum's the word." I promised.

"Alright, I'll see you guys in 9 days, try not to miss me too much."

"Alright, now that's something I would hear Ray say. Kinda creepy. Well anyway, you guys have fun." I sang, winking at Abby.

Abby rolled her eyes at me.

* * *

:-) 


	4. Bloody Hell

_**Disclaimer: **All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 4: "Bloody Hell"_

**Monday Evening**

Abby's P.O.V

We got to his apartment in good time, and he headed straight for the hall closet grabbing a duffel bag, before going into his bedroom.

"Make yourself at home." He called over his shoulder.

I heard him pulling open drawers and a door squeak as he opened it. He came out and went to the bathroom door finding it locked.

"Neela?" he called through the door

"Be out in a minute Ray!" she called back. "What are you doing home so early?"

He leaned against the wall opposite the bathroom door. Neela came out and immediately took a step back.

"Bloody hell! What's the matter Ray?" she exclaimed.

"I'll explain later. And I'm not early, you're late." He said, slipping past her and grabbing his toothbrush off the counter.

As he was throwing that and some other things into his bag, he asked her when her shift began.

"In about 10 minutes." She replied breezily.

He briefly filled her in on the basics of what had happened in the past hour, and her eyes widened, concern evident in them.

"Oh Ray, that's terrible!" she exclaimed. "I have to go now, but promise me you'll call as soon as you get there. If I'm not here than call me at work, ok? Let me know how Madison is doing also, okay?"

"Yeah, I promise I'll call you, and fill you in on the rest of the story, and how everything goes."

"Hey, how exactly are you getting there, anyway?" she asked

"Abby" he said, gesturing to the living room, to where I was sitting.

"Hello Abby." She greeted warmly.

"And yes I'll call you A.S.A.P."

"Be careful, both of you. Watch your back Ray, and _please_ don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I laughed and said "Like there's a chance that that will ever happen." Neela laughed and Ray just rolled his eyes.

It was pretty obvious that Neela knew more about this situation then I did, and it was almost as if there was some kind of hidden warning behind her words. But it could also have been my sleep-deprived brain playing tricks on my mind. Again. She gave each of us a quick hug before disappearing through the door.

He was staring at the door, with a somewhat perplexed look on his face.

"Ray?"

"I just don't get her sometimes." He replied, looking at me.

I must've looked confused, and he went on to explain,

"Huge fight, we haven't talked for like 3 days, yet here she is, all worried and practically channeling my mother."

"What can I say? Us girls are pretty damn complicated." I shot back, smirking, and this time, he was the one to roll his eyes.

"Come on, let's get going, you got everything?"

"I think so." He replied, opening the door for me.

* * *

short i know! they'll get longer i promise! 


	5. The Crash

_**AN: hey guys, I know I said I would update sooner, but I got sidetracked...a lot...don't shoot me! Haha...anyway I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm starting an email update list…let me know if you want to be on it! Send me a PM or let me know in a review! Love you guys!! Can't wait to see what you think of this!**_

_**Disclaimer: **All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 5: The Crash_

**Monday Evening**

Rays P.O.V

"So where exactly are we heading?" she asked me as we headed to her apartment.

"Glen Ellyn, it's about 90 miles from here."

"I know where it is," she said, and there was _something_ in her voice, I just couldn't figure out what it was.

"Okay, I'm gonna get my stuff together, make yourself at home," she walked into her room, and I heard her open some drawers.

About 5 minutes later, I heard a huge crash, and called,

"You okay in there, Abby?"

"Yeah!" she called back.

"You sure?" I questioned, "What's goin' on in there?"

"Oh, nothing. Just the entire contents of my closet shelf crashing down on top of me..."

"That sounds like fun." I grinned, then called back, "Need some help?"

"That would be nice!" she called.

"Okay, be right there."

I walked in; and saw the mess, with her standing in the middle, and couldn't help but laugh

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, "And I thought _my_ closet was bad."

We unearthed the suitcase she has been trying to pull out, amidst a pile of oversized sweaters, too small shoes, and who knows what else. As we started picking up the pile I started humming Silverstein's "Discovering the Waterfront" and surprisingly, she started singing it.

"_I will promise myself I won't care  
distracting myself from your stare  
and I've seen this mistake once before  
with your games I will never fall for  
I've hung up my guns  
I won't kill again _

I won't forget you (I won't forget you  
I'm not gonna let you win (I'm not gonna...)  
but I'm tired of lying  
tired of fighting you  
and it's not gonna change"

We got the stuff cleaned up pretty quickly, until all that was left was a bundle of letters.

* * *

**_Short I know, but just because you guys are soo amazing I think I might just put 2 chapters up today! OoOoO...But only if you're good!!_**


	6. Letters From Her Past

_**I know I know…I said I would update yesterday…and I didn't…so 2 chapters today!! Woot Woot…so yeah, let me know what you think…**_

_**Disclaimer: **All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters…

* * *

_

_Chapter 6: Letters From Her Past _

**Monday Evening**

Abby's P.O.V

My breath caught in my throat and I quickly grabbed the bundle with shaking hands, and shoved them in my nightstand drawer. I opened the suitcase we had finally unearthed, and started packing the clothes I had already gathered. I looked up and caught Ray looking at me oddly, glancing at my face, down, and back to my face. I followed his gaze down,

"_So he did notice my hands,"_ I thought.

I walked back over to the drawer and pulled the most recent letter from Richard out of the bundle, and handed it to him. He opened it and quickly read it; I watched his face change from disbelief to pain to anger and rage, as he read all the lies, the threats, and the boasting of all the ways Richard had hurt me. He finished reading, walked around the bed, and pulled me into a tight embrace,

"You know I would never do anything like that to you, right? Or let anything happen like that to you ever again."

I nodded,

He took a step back, looking at me critically.

"Ok, moment over!" he said, smiling.

I laughed, and surprised myself when I wished that moment could've lasted longer. Little did either of us know at that exact moment, but we were falling fast for each other.

I quickly finished getting all my stuff ready,

"All set?" he asked.

I checked my stuff,

"Pretty sure."

* * *

**_Hey guys...please review...and how about giving me some feedback instead of just telling me to update? That would be nice...I like to know what you think, and if you have any ideas...its not very fun to get a review that just says update, because i'm obviously gonna update, if i didn't that would be cruel and heartless, which i'm not...so update, and read the next chapter!!!!!_**

**_X0X_**

**_Katy_**


	7. Roadtrips and Memories

**_Ok guys, I decided to be even nicer and am going to update 3 chapters today…btw I condensed former chapter 7 and 8 together into this chapter…so the next chapter would have been chapter 9…this one does switch POV's but as per usual I noted where, and put a break line thingy…So I hope you like…again, let me know what you think…I've spent so much time revising everything, I haven't written much new material, so if you remember anything from the last chapter, let me know what you want to happen…cause I honestly have no idea where the next few chapters are going…love you guys!_**

_**Disclaimer: **All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 7: Road Trips and Memories _

**Monday Evening**

Rays P.O.V

"I'll drive." I told her, and she handed me the keys to her car.

She nodded, but seemed slightly preoccupied, and I wondered if finding those letters had stirred up unwanted memories, figuring it probably had. Now I had to find a way to get her mind off it. And I knew exactly how to.

I slid my bands E.P. into the CD player and turned it up. Watching her from the corner of my eye, I smiled as she sat there, her head soon bobbing in time to the music.

"You like?" I asked

"Are you kidding? What's not to like?" she asked,

"I didn't think you listened to this kind of music. You don't seem the type."

"There's a type? Who is this anyway? I don't think I've heard them before."

"Me."

"You?" she asked sounding surprised, "I didn't realize you were so good!"

"Why, thank you." I replied, cockily.

"Any day." She said, smiling.

The conversation silenced, and the sound of Jonny Was™ filled the car.

Once we were on the highway, I asked,

"So what had you planned on doing during your days off?"

"Sleep."

I laughed, "Way to make use of vacation!"

"Well, what was so productive that _you_ had planned to do on your vacation?"

"Sleep," I said, ducking my head.

"Hypocrite!" she exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at me.

"You didn't let me finish!" I said, trying to cover it up, and she knew it too.

"HA! You're just trying to cover your ass!"

"_Actually_ I had a whole bunch of gigs planned with the guys. But Madi is way more important. The guys won't be too happy, but Brett will understand. He's like a brother to her. When Chris was drunk and our parents were fighting, Madi and I would sneak out my bedroom window and hide at his house. His house was more of a home -at least when Chris was home- than our own was, and his family pretty much took us under their wing."

"Oh, wow, I never knew you had it so rough growing up." She said, sounding kind of distant.

I looked over, her face was blank, her eyes were unfocused, and had a glazed look to them.

Abby's P.O.V

Ray didn't know (_why would he?_), but I'd been having flashbacks from my marriage, which had started out happy, but by the end was about as far from happy as you could get.

**::Flashback::**

_He grabbed my wrists, roughly pulling me to him. _

"_Richard, stop! You're hurting me! People are asking where these marks are coming from; they already suspect something is going on. They keep asking what's really happening."_

"_Well it's your own fault, if you would do what I told you, did what I wanted you to, this wouldn't be happening. You deserve it you little bitch."_

**::End Flashback::**

I shuddered at the memory, wanting nothing but to get it out of my head. Ray must have notice, because he asked (_jokingly?_)

"I thought you said you liked this CD?"

"No! I mean yes! I was just thinking how bad it must have been to have to hide from a drunken father."

I knew he knew that I was lying, but I was glad when he didn't press it. I dreaded the thought of staying in a hotel, dreaded the nightmares I knew would plague my sleep. I didn't want anyone to find out about the dreams, _especially_ not Ray. Only Luka knew, and Eric. Not another soul knew about them. Not even Carter knew about them. And I wanted it to stay that way. Soon I drifted off into a fitful sleep.

* * *

**_Oh and btw, any flashbacks, dreams, or thoughts will always be in italics…unless its in the body, then it is for emphasis, but anyone who took an English class knows that…so, hope that clears up any confusion…if there was any…and guys how bout recruiting some readers? Or at least if you read, please review, because I can check my hits, and let me tell you, I'm getting PLENTY of hits, but not that many reviews, and that makes me sad...I might have to hold out on the next few chapters…and we don't want that, now do we? Didn't think so…so review and make me a very happy person…and you will get cake and cookies, just ask Rosie…haha…which I think I still need to send you that since you were the first review, huh? Haha…once again, I love you guys with all my heart…Peace!!_**

_**Katy**_


	8. Worried

_**Disclaimer: **All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 8: Worried_

**Monday Evening**

Rays P.O.V

I glanced over as Abby stirred once again and wondered what it was she was dreaming about. It couldn't have been good, judging by the look on her face. I wondered whether or not I should wake her, but decided against it, she needed whatever sleep she could get. It was as if she'd been in her own little world this past week, coming in with dark circles under her eyes, and acting strangely distant. I wondered what was bothering her, and surprised myself when I wondered if maybe I could help her somehow. She must have felt me looking at her or something, because she slowly opened her eyes, seeming disoriented for a moment, just as I was looking back to the road.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty, we're just getting ready to get off at the exit and find a hotel to stay at." I updated her.

"Hotel? I thought we were going to get there without having to stop." She said, and I thought I heard her voice shake, but I figured I was just overreacting.

"We're almost there, we made better time then I expected." I explained. "Besides, where did you think we were gonna sleep? In the car?"

"Oh. Sorry. How long was I asleep?"

"About 2 hours."

"We need to start looking for a hotel, so watch the signs and see if there's anything good coming up."

"Okay."

We drove a little farther, before the next sign appeared,

"Umm…not many choices, Holiday Inn, Motel 6, Best Western." She listed.

"You choose." I told her.

"Holiday Inn good for you?"

"Sure. It must be new; there was never one here when I still lived here."

We got off at the exit and found our way to the Holiday Inn. I pulled into the parking lot while she went in to pay for the room. She came out, and climbed in the car,

"Okay, they had one room left, with a double bed, on the second floor."

I grabbed both our bags, staggering under the weight of hers, and hunted down the elevators. Which we discovered didn't work upon arrival.

"Typical." I muttered, as we began trudging up the stairs, which were rather steep.

We found our room, and as soon as we got settled she headed straight for the bathroom to take a shower. I turned on the TV, and flipped through the channels, finally settling on Mtv2.

**

* * *

Hey guys I hope you liked it!! And if I don't get more reviews for this I might not post as soon! Mwuahahahaha…Hint hint….**


	9. Someone's Going Down

_**Guys, I know the chapters are short, but I promise they will get longer...this was my first ever experience writing anything besides school papers, so I was still,-am still- getting the hang of writing something and actually "publishing" it...I do know that the chapters get better and better as the stories progress, and as veterans give me tips...so yeah, read, review, enjoy! **_

_**  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

**_

_Chapter 9: Someone's Going Down_

**Monday Night**

Abby's P.O.V

I walked out of the bathroom in a tank top and long pajama pants, to find Ray playing air guitar. There was a beauty about it, it was both graceful and raw, even though it was just air. After seeing this I couldn't wait to see him live. I stood, leaning against the doorframe, watching for a few more moments, before going and plopping myself in his lap. I felt his arms encircle me, pulling me close, and for the first time since Carter and I broke up, I truly felt safe. I leaned into his chest, resting my head on his shoulder, and his head came down and rested on top of mine. The Plain White Tees "Hate But I Really Don't Like You" video came on, and I started singing along, pointing out my favorite parts of the video. Once the song was over, he lightly slapped my butt,

"Up." He demanded.

"No!"

He stood up anyway and I fell to the floor,

"Oof!" I glared up at him, "I will definitely get you back for that. You are **so** going down!"

"Is that a threat?" he asked, smiling in that cocky way of his.

"What does it sound like, dumbass?"

With that he turned and went into the bathroom, and I settled on the bed, desperately fighting to keep my eyes open. It was a losing battle, my eyes shut, and I knew it wouldn't be long before the nightmares reared their ugly heads. I hoped they wouldn't be bad enough to freak Ray out, or worse, make him worry.

"_He's got enough on his mind as it is,"_ I thought to myself.

* * *

_**Please review and let me know what you think...opinions are nice...let me know what you want to happen...love you!**_


	10. Nightmares

_**I'm horrible I know...it's been 2 weeks since I updated but wow have I been busy...chorus competitions, projects is it just me or do teachers seem to load on all the work towards the end of the school year??, just a bunch of stuff..but I'm back again...i hope you like it...please review!!**_

_**Disclaimer: **All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 10: Nightmares… _

**Tuesday Morning**

Rays P.O.V

"So, nightmares, huh?" I asked the next morning.

Her face paled, and she got the "deer in the headlights" look.

"Yeah." She replied, eyes downcast, apparently figuring it would be useless to deny it.

"You wanna talk about 'em? It helps." I paused, "I know from experience."

"No, not really." Quickly changing the subject, she asked, "You have nightmares too?"

"Yeah. Nightmares about…pudding." I joked around, trying to lighten the mood. It worked…well, kind of, but I did get a small smile and she rolled her eyes. " No, actually more like dreams from when I was growing up, some good, most bad, but then again, it wouldn't be a nightmare if it wasn't bad, would it? Like there's this one I have once every year, on the anniversary of my mo- of a really rough time in my life."

'_That was close'_

"Oh wow, mine are usually one of two recurring dreams. One from growing up, and one from my marriage, lately they've been coming more frequently, usually the latter." She admitted, then immediately realized what she had done.

"Well if you ever want to talk, need to talk, I'm always here." I let her know.

She changed the subject again, but this time I didn't mind.

"So, tell me about your sister, I'd like to at least know a few things about her before I meet her."

"Well…she's 16 years old, on the track and soccer teams, she plays the piano. She's **very** sarcastic, and has a stubborn streak a mile long. Actually you kind of remind me of her sometimes. She's got long hair, darker than mine, and wavy, and her smile lights up the room. She talks, **a lot**, but ironically she's a great listener, and she loves to dance."

"Holy information overload! When I said I wanted to know more about her, I didn't mean I wanted to hear her whole life story." She teased.

"Oh, trust me, that's not even the half of it."

* * *

**_Feedback please!! All it takes is the push of a button...did you guys know that you can review even if you don't have an account? I didn't...well can't wait to hear from you!!!!_**

**_X0X_**

**_Katy_**


	11. Surprise!

_**Well I hope you guys liked the last chapter...here's the next one...I know they're short, but they will start getting longer, I promise...as I said before, this was my first fic, and I was unsure...but now I know, so you will notice a slight change in style and length as it progresses and I become more confident...so review review review and make me feel good about myself so you'll get longer and better chapters!!!! ) Love you guys!**_

_**Disclaimer: **__All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...Madi and Nick are mine.

* * *

_

_Chapter 11: Surprise!_

**Late Tuesday Morning**

So here I am, sitting in my hospital bed, bored to death, waiting for Nick to call. He's taking too long so I decide to call him.

"Hey…what took you so long?!" I asked, irritated, only half joking.

"Sorry, I…um…I was just about to call you."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, _sure_ you were…do you think maybe you could stop by my house and get the CD? Please, please, please? I'll love ya forever!"

"What! You don't _already_ love me forever?" he asked, pretending to be offended. I grinned. "Which one do you want? The actual CD or the recording?"

"Which one do you think, dumbass?"

"Oops, sorry, blonde moment," he joked, "anything else you want, _your highness_?"

"Um…a change of clothes, doesn't matter. And if **HE'S **there, don't worry about it; just go another time when he's not there. I don't want you to get hurt."

"_Like I did_."

"Like you did." He stated point blank.

"_He knows me too well._"

"Yeah, like I did. You know he'll either be drunk or passed out, _if_ he's even there at all. PLEASE don't risk it."

"Don't worry, I know how he is. I'm sure you haven't forgotten what happened last time I tried to get him away from you."

I flinched at the mention of that incident.

"You just _had_ to bring that up, didn't you?"

"Well _sorry_." He said, and I knew he was rolling his eyes.

"I'm just glad you were able to get him away from me and then get away yourself. I just wish you hadn't gotten hurt."

Little did I know, Ray was outside the door, listening to every word I said.

Ray walked in then, and I gasped, dropping the phone.

"Madi? Madi?" Nick called, his cries falling on deaf ears.

"If you wanted to see me that bad, you could've just called. It really wasn't necessary for you to throw yourself in front of a moving vehicle." He said, his face serious, then seeing the look on my face, grinned, and came over, enveloping me in a big bear hug.

* * *

**_You know what to do!_**

**_X0X_**

**_Katy_**


	12. Battle Scars

_**You guys are lucky I'm in a good mood, or else I could've just posted one chapter and then you would've hated me if I disappeared for another 2 weeks...but I'll try not to I promise...you guys get a peek at a lil bit of Ray's past in this chapter...not much, but a few...in my previous publication of this story I got complaints about not having enough of Rays past...I tried to put some bits in that wouldnt affect my plans for future chapters..and i managed to create some new chapters to go between with some of his past...so there will be surprises for the "veterans" of this fic...keep an eye out!**_

_**Disclaimer: **__All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 12: Battle Scars _

**Late Tuesday Morning**

Abby's POV

Soon Ray stepped out of the room and called me over.

"Abby, come here. I want you to meet Madison."

I followed him into the room, staying close, not knowing what to expect.

"Madi, I want you to meet my good friend Abby, she was with me when Chris called, and basically kept me from punching a hole in the lounge wall."

"Can't say as much for the phone though." I added, grinning up at him.

I looked over to the bed, and a look of disbelief crossed my face. I _knew_ this girl.

"Um, don't I know you?" Madi asked.

Ray looked over at me quizzically.

I just shrugged, not meeting her eyes. She closed her eyes and thought for a minute.

"Wait a minute; you're that chick from the fair, like 2 years ago. You tripped or something and my friend caught you before you fell. Then some bigass dude came over and decked Nick, before he all but dragged you off. You remember it too, I can tell."

Ray just watched, me, one eyebrow raised, waiting for my response. He looked me in the eyes, and I know he saw the surprise, fear, and disbelief in them. I watched as realization dawned in his eyes.

"Richard?" he mouthed.

I just looked away, knowing he would know that the answer was yes. I looked back at Madi, who was still waiting for an answer, and nodded.

I started to get up to go take a walk and try to clear my head, but Ray shook his head and laid his hand gently on my arm.

"Abby I want you to stay and hear this too."

I sat back down, and waited for him to talk. He moved over and sat down on the edge of Madison's bed. He slowly ran his finger down a small scar on the side of her face, over a large bruise on her upper right arm where it looked like someone had grabbed her arm and twisted, before pointing to a small burn mark just above her collar bone.

"All these, they're from Chris aren't they?"

She didn't say anything.

"I bet these aren't even half the marks. You know it's not your fault right? He did that to Mom too." He paused, then added, "And to me."

She scoffed, and rolled her eyes as if she thought he was just saying that.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I heard you on the phone with Nick. What, you'll tell Nick that, but you won't even tell me?" Not even attempting to hide the hurt in his voice.

She stiffened, and her eyes were wide.

"You don't believe me do you?"

He turned and lifted his shirt up and over his head. Both Madi's and my eyes widened as we saw the scar that must have been at least 8 inches long that ran across his back, and numerous smaller scars across his shoulders.

"Holy shit." Madi and I said in unison, than looked at each other, noticing the almost identical expressions of horror on our faces.

I went over and ran my hand down the length of the scar, and as I touched him, I felt him tense up, and was surprised at how hurt I felt.

"What the hell happened?" I asked, the same time another voice asked,

"What the hell is going on here?!"

* * *

_**Alright guys, make my mood even better and review...you might even get another chapter if you're reallly nice! Love ya!**_

**_X0X_**

**_Katy_**


	13. Introducing Wheelie

_**Disclaimer: **__All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 13: Introducing Wheelie_

**Tuesday Afternoon**

Ray

"_What the hell is going on here?"_

Madi shrieked, and both she and Abby jumped at least a foot.

I whipped around, in instant defense mode.

"Ray?" came the disbelieving reply.

I couldn't believe who was standing in front of me, he had changed a lot since the last time I had seen him.

"No fuckin' way." I exclaimed before getting up and embracing the little brother I never had.

He turned to Madison, and moved in to hug her.

"Don't ever do that again; you scared the shit out of me! One minute you're telling _me _to be careful, and the next thing I know, you're not there at all. I thought Chris showed up." He scolded, sounding very much like a mother hen.

"Sorry." She replied.

He turned to me and immediately cracked

"Playing strip poker again, Barnett?"

I looked down, realizing that I was still shirtless. I grinned,

"How'd ya guess? Was it the thong on the floor, or the naked woman in the corner?"

He laughed, "Still up the same old tricks, huh?"

"It's what I do best." I retorted, smirking.

Then I remembered that Abby and Nick had never been _formally_ introduced, or so I thought, and stepped back so that she was no longer shielded by me, which I had instinctively done when we heard a new voice in the room.

Recognition dawned on his face, but it was obvious he had no clue where from.

"The chick from the fair!" Madi piped up.

His hand automatically went up and rubbed his cheek, which must have been where Richard had decked him.

"Oh yeah. That guy's not with you, is he?" he asked, glancing around warily.

She smiled, and shook her head.

"Good. Oh, sorry, you're probably wondering 'who the hell is this guy, and why is he asking me these questions?' huh?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Not often you have guys randomly walk up to you asking you weird questions. Well, with the exception of Ray that is." she said, winking at me.

"Well then, let me just introduce myself. I'm Nicholas Wheeler, but everyone calls me Nick. And I've known these two, since…well, forever."

"Nice to know, I'm Abigail Lockhart, but everyone calls me Abby. I've known Ray for about half a year, and Madi about half an hour. If you care to know"

He glanced at me

"Well, well, well, she's quite the catch, isn't she? Assuming she is with you, that is."

I looked over at her and grinned.

"That she is." I responded.

"Well anyway, I just came over to drop some things off that Mads asked me to grab."

He looked over at her, and their eyes locked, and it was like they had this whole conversation with their eyes. He shook his head, handed her the bag of stuff, and bent down to kiss her forehead, whispering, "I'll be back later."

Turning to Abby and I,

"Alright Barnyard, Abby; Wheelie out." And with a mock salute he departed.

"Wow…he's quite the…character…" Abby observed, searching for the right word.

We all burst out laughing.

"Barnyard?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.

I know my face turned bright red at the mention of the childhood nickname.

"Looong story."

Madi cracked up, and I shot her a look that said "_Don't go there._"

* * *

_Make me happy..._


	14. Help

_**Disclaimer: **__All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 14: Help _

**Tuesday Afternoon**

Madison

I knew it wouldn't be long before Ray started in on the whole scars and bruises thing, and I was right. As soon as Nick left, he got up, went over and shut the door, before coming back and sitting by my feet.

"_He _did that to you didn't he?"

"Who? Nick? No!" I exclaimed, even though I knew he wasn't talking about Nick. He knew I was just stalling.

"How long has it been going on?"

I looked away, not meeting his eyes. My eyes locked with Abby's, and I was surprised to see understanding, as if she knew what I was going through, like she knew how hard this was for me.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just find out from Nick, and I'd much rather hear it from you."

"Ray." Abby said in a warning tone.

He looked over and his eyes widened,

"Fuck! I'm sorry Abby."

"It's ok, don't worry about it. She'll talk when she's ready. You can't just expect her to confess what happened and have everything be the way it was before. It just doesn't work that way. You should know that."

He seemed to accept this, then got up, looked over to her, as if saying '_see if you can get anything out of her'_ before leaving the room, cracking the door as he left.

She scooted her chair closer to my bed, before saying

"I know exactly what you're going through. I also know just how hard it is to talk about it. I totally understand if you don't want to talk to me, or even if you don't want to listen to me. But I do want you to know, that I will listen to whatever you have to say." She leaned back in her chair and waited.

"Do you _really_ know what I'm going through, or are you just saying that to get me to talk?" I asked her.

"Oh believe me I _definitely_ know what you're talking about. Double time."

I just nodded, letting her know I was paying attention, before asking

"What do you mean double time?"

"Let's just say I had a pretty rough home life. My father beat me and my mother –well before he left anyway- and my mother and younger brother are both bi-polar. My ex-husband –the guy from the fair- also beat me. At first I thought that it was normal. It was all I had ever known. My dad beat my mom, and me, but never my brother. So when I met Richard, nothing changed. Soon I realized that no, it _wasn't_ normal, and I began thinking that maybe I had done something to deserve it. The day I woke up in the ICU, I finally realized that it wasn't my fault, nor had it ever been. This happened about 2 weeks after the incident at the fair. The night before the fair Richard knocked me around; I hit my head, and had been feeling dizzy. I felt faint, and everything started spinning. Next think I know I'm in some strange guys arms –Nick's- with Richard towering over us. That night I started planning how I would escape. To make matters worse, I had kept everything bottled up inside for so long, so when it finally became too much, I had no idea who to turn to, or what to do. If I hadn't had Susan, Luka, and Carter, I don't know what would have happened. I probably wouldn't be here. All happened before I met Ray, and he's definitely helped me deal with all this. He's the first person I've truly been able to trust in a long time; I can tell him pretty much anything."

I just sat there in a shocked kind of silence.

'_She really did know __exactly__ what I was going through!_' I thought.

"Geez, I was supposed to listen to you, to see if I could help, and you ended up helping me more than I helped you!" she exclaimed, shaking her head.

* * *

_I did it again...its been like 2 weeks...sorry!! i've been uber busy..._

_You know what to do..._

_Katy loves you_


	15. Truth Be Told

_**Disclaimer: **__All characters in this story have no existence outside the imagination of this author (and the creators of ER) and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention unless otherwise noted. I do not own any of the characters except those who are noted in this and future chapters...

* * *

_

_Chapter 15: Truth Be Told _

**Tuesday Afternoon**

Abby

I couldn't believe it. I'd only known Madi for an hour, and I had told her things not Carter, Luka or even _Ray_ knew. I guess it was because she had gone through the same things I had, so it somehow linked us, or something.

"For awhile I thought the same things you did, that it happened to everyone, even though it only started once Ray left. But when I stayed at friends houses, and their fathers never laid a hand on them, except to hug them, I realized that no, it wasn't normal." Madi admitted, sounding ashamed.

"That's how it was with me, but instead of trying to do something about it, I convinced myself that I had done something to deserve it."

"As soon as I got my license I made sure I was as far a way from the house as I could be, as often as possible. I usually stayed with Nick, because I never got asked questions there. He lives with his older brother and sister, who's one of my best friends, even though she's Ray's age. They knew not to press, they knew who had done it, and they had tried to find ways to help me, but really the only way to help was to patch me up, give me a place to crash, and to lend an ear when I needed to talk. One good thing is that now Leslie and JT don't drink at all, cause they've seen what drinking can cause a person to do, and they don't want to be that way."

"So your father's an alcoholic?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Mine wasn't. He'd have a few drinks every once in awhile, that's when things were the worst, but it didn't happen very often."

"Lucky you," She said sarcastically, "it's an everyday occurrence at my house."

"Has he ever done anything other than knock you around?" I asked cautiously, not sure whether it was too personal, too soon.

"You mean like incest?" she asked, bluntly.

"Yeah, like incest." I confirmed.

"No. He tried once, but he was so drunk, all it took was one good push and he was on the floor, out cold. I high-tailed it over to Nick's but had to run back and get my keys, as well as dad's, since no one was awake at Nicks. Did your dad…." She let the sentence trail, knowing I would know what she was asking.

For the first time ever, I admitted the truth.

"Yes. He did."

Madi shuddered.

I cried.

I cried for what had been taken from me. My innocence. My childhood. And countless other irreplaceable things. I heard the sheets rustle, and felt Madi's arms wrap around me, rocking me, and stroking my hair. That night we cried for ourselves, and for each other. Suddenly I realized that we were the **lucky** ones. We were still alive. We bore many scars, but we were still alive. We had the rest of our lives to let go of the past, and start moving on, but there are many people who were unable to escape, and they paid with their lives. All because no one cared enough to ask if things were ok. Maybe it wasn't that they didn't care, but that they were scared.

I don't know how long we sat there holding each other, but one thing I do know is that it brought us closer, and it helped us realize that there _is _hope out there, even though sometimes it may seem there isn't any. As cliché as it may sound, you've just gotta keep looking for that silver lining.

* * *

_Reviews make for a verrrry happy Katy...and we want a happy Katy don't we??_

_You know who loves you..._


	16. My Father's Temper

* * *

**Tuesday Afternoon**

Ray

While they talked, I sat on the floor outside the purposely cracked door, trying to hear what they were talking about, not hearing much except a few words here and there, and my name once. I glanced at my watch, trying to figure out how long they'd been in there. Over an hour at least. Pretty soon Nick ambled up.

"What are you _doing_?" he asked.

"Huh? Oh, hey. Shh. I'm trying to hear what they're talking about."

"What who's talking about?" he asked, looking confused.

"Madi and Abby. I thought maybe Abby could get something out of her, since she wasn't going to tell me anything." I said, not even trying to hide the hurt in my voice.

"Oh." He acknowledged, sliding down to sit next to me on the floor.

"How long has it been going on?" I asked.

He looked away, and kind of squirmed.

"Look, I _really_ would like to hear it from Madi, but she's not talking, and even if she tells Abby anything, I know she'll make Abby promise not to tell me anything. That's just the way she is. Just _please_ tell me. If you don't I'll go ask Les. I know she'd tell me." I threatened, knowing it would break him.

He whipped his head around to face me. "**Do not** bring Leslie into this, you know you hurt her."

"Dude, chill things are cool between us. You know I would never hurt her, just as well as you know I never _meant_ to hurt her in the first place. You knew how much I cared for her, and how much it hurt me when I left."

"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tell you off. It's just…brotherly love, ya know?"

"Yeah I understand. Don't worry about it."

"Still, please don't bring her into this, it kills her that there's nothing she can do to make this stop. That there's nothing she can do to help."

A ghost of a smile paused briefly on my lips, but died quickly.

"She always was like that. I remember how hard she cried that night when he sliced my back…" I shuddered, only remembering that night in quick flashes, her scared face being one of those.

"Ugh, don't even bring that up! It was horrible." He said, turning slightly green just thinking of it.

_He never was one to stand blood. Then again, neither was I, and look what I do for a living._

"And to answer your question, about 2 years after you left."

I gasped, and all color drained from my face. My head dropped into my hands.

Turning on him suddenly, "Why didn't you call me?! Why didn't you let me know, so I could come help! You had my number; you knew where to reach me. Why did it have to come to this for me to find out?!" I asked, gesturing at the hospital room.

He looked surprised by my outburst. I needed to calm down. Unfortunately, I had my fathers temper. I got up, taking long angry strides in the direction of the elevator. I knew my way around this hospital like the back of my hand. God knows I've been there enough.

"_Ray_. Ray! Ray, wait!" he called after me.

I didn't.

I walked aimlessly through the halls for a little while, before hearing the dinner carts and realizing what time it was. Abby'd be getting worried soon. I headed back upstairs, finding Abby just sitting outside the room; knees drawn to her chest, head leaned back against the wall, eyes closed. There were tearstains down her face. 

"_Oh God._" I thought, not knowing what to expect.

I slid down so I was sitting next to her.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She jumped and her eyes flew open.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." I put my arm around her shoulders. "Are you okay?"

"It's okay. I'm okay" She said, giving me a shaky smile, "I'm fine, just tired. It's been a long, crazy day."

I nodded, even though I didn't really believe her, I could tell she wasn't telling the whole truth, but I figured she'd tell me when she was ready.

* * *

_Review and let me know what you think_

_Katy loves you..._


	17. Too Much To Handle

_Standard disclaimers apply...soo sorry its taken so long, life has a way of getting in the way sometimes...thank you to all the continued support and reviews, you have no idea how much it means to me, i dont have room to thank everyone, so i'll probably end up just doing one person thank yous per chapter...Anie, you are so amazing, i dont know what i would do without your support, you are my person, my confidante, my go-to-guy..haha...stay that way, ok? things are gonna get better, i promise...keep your chin up buttercup, you know i love you..._

* * *

_Chapter 17: Too Much to Handle_

**Tuesday Evening **

Ray 

"You ready to go?" I asked Abby, who was leaning against me, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Mm." She replied sleepily.

"Alright, just give me a sec, I'll tell Madi we're leaving."

I poked my head into the room,

"Hey, we're goin to go. It's been a long day. We'll be back tomorrow, but if you need anything, just call me, 'kay hun?"

"Yup, please tell Abby thanks for me."

I nodded, and blew her a kiss, before waving goodbye to Nick.

"C'mon babe, get up. It's time to go." I said to Abby, extending my right hand to help her up.

"Don't wanna."

"You gotta, isn't there a rule somewhere about sleeping on hospital floors?" I joked.

"What can I say? I'm a rebel." She retorted.

"Alright, fine, you leave me no choice." I bent over, easily lifting her into my arms.

She squealed "Okay, Okay, I'll go! Put me down now."

I carried her anyway. She relaxed, snuggling closer, head resting on my shoulder.

"You better not fall asleep, you'll be deadweight!" I teased.

"Mmph." She grunted sleepily into the hollow of my collarbone.

I gently loaded her into the car, because, just as I'd expected, she fell asleep.

We got to the hotel, and as much as I hated to, I woke her up, cause there was **NO** way in hell I was gonna carry her up 2 steep flights of steps, seeing as this place was to cheap too have working elevators.

_'Just like my apartment.' _

When we got to the room, she grabbed her pajamas and headed straight for the bathroom to take a long hot shower. When I say long, I mean LONG. I finally called to her,

"You better leave me some hot water!"

"If you're lucky!" she called back. She finally emerged, settling herself so her damp head was resting on my chest, hand rested lightly on my stomach.

Figuring now was as good a time as ever, I asked, hoping it sounded casual,

"So, what did you two talk about? Anything you can tell me?"

She looked up apologetically.

"I'm sorry; she made me promise not to tell. She really wants to tell you herself, but I think she's afraid you might get angry."

"She thinks I'll get angry with her?" I asked, incredulous.

"I'm not sure, she didn't exactly say anything, but I could tell that she was worried you'd get mad. Maybe not at her, but at your father. Because despite everything he's done to her, she still loves him. She told me how it was before your mom passed away, that when things get bad, she just remembers those times. I guess it reminds her that it wasn't always this way."

"Oh, I'm surprised she remembers that. There are times _I_ don't even remember how it was before things got bad and mom died."

She nodded, but I could tell she didn't even really comprehend what I was saying. She was completely exhausted.

"Hey, you go ahead and get comfortable. I'm gonna get showered and make a couple of phone calls before it gets too late. I'm not sure how long I'll be."

"M'Kay." She mumbled, almost incoherently.

I pulled the covers up over her, and headed to the bathroom before changing directions and heading outside so I wouldn't bother Abby with my phone calls.

I called a close friend from childhood, leaving my cell number and telling him to call me when he got a chance. Then I called Les and JT to say hey and see if they wanted to get together the next day for lunch or something. I finally called Madi, both dreading it, and looking forward to getting the truth, hoping to get her to tell me something.

* * *

**Tuesday Night **

Ray

The phone rang a couple of times, and I hoped she wasn't sleeping. I _really_ didn't want to wake her; she could be a bitch when she gets woken up.

"Hello?" she answered after the third ring.

"Hey, how ya doin' sweetie?" I asked.

"RAY!" she squealed excitedly. "I was hoping you would call."

"Really? Aw, I feel special now." I joked, but underneath it I _did_ feel special. To tell the truth, I absolutely adored my little sister.

"Really really." She replied, playing the game we used to play when we were younger. "I'm sorry I wouldn't talk to you this afternoon. It was just kind of awkward, since your new girlfriend was with you. But after Abby and I talked, and I realized what she meant by 'You should know that,' I felt kind of foolish, 'cause we always used to tell each other everything. It was what I've missed so much. I didn't want you to be mad at me, because you thought I was keeping secrets or something."

"Aw, babe, I could never be mad at you...well, stay mad at you, at least."

"Now you tell me." She said, and I knew she was rolling her eyes.

"Ok, down to the serious shit, er, stuff. I really need to know everything that has happened since I left town, so I can help."

I could literally sense the walls going up.

"Look Madison, I know this is hard, and I know it hurts, but you **have** to tell me everything, or else I won't be able to help." I think she finally realized how serious this really was, because I only use her whole name when I mean business.

"You know I'm not doing this to hurt you, I'm doing this to _help_ you."

_'Oh God, I'm starting to sound like Wendell.'_ I thought to myself.

She sighed resignedly, knowing there was no way she was going to get out of this.

"Everything started about 2 years after you left. I'm pretty sure it was because you weren't there to protect me anymore. You're a lot bigger then he is, and he knew if he did anything while you were still here, you'd kick the shit out of him."

_'You got that right.'_

"So when you weren't there anymore, he had no reason not to. I guess it was because he was angry, angry with mom for dying, angry about having the responsibility of raising a kid again _and _on his own, and angry at you for leaving, since you always took care of me, even when mom was still alive. He wasn't used to having a kid to look after. He was barely able to take care of himself, much less a 10 year old he didn't even want in the first place."

"Still, there are kickboxing classes or something for that, there are solutions other than taking your anger out on your daughter."

"At first he left marks, but when teachers started sending notes home and neighbors started asking questions, he started hitting without leaving marks."

"Yeah, I know he does. Frankly, I was surprised when I saw that bruise on your arm."

"That bruise wasn't from him. It was from Nick-"

I cut her off "Nick?!"

"Let me finish! Jesus. _As I was saying_, it was from Nick, grabbing me, trying to get me out of the way of the truck, but he wasn't quick enough."

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off."

"It's ok. Anyway, things progressively got worse. He started drinking more, and pretty soon he got laid off. He stopped paying rent, and the bills. I had to use the money I'd saved for college to pay for that. He got in a bar fight, and got hauled off to jail, and I had to borrow money from Nick to pay bail. I'm still paying him back."

"Jesus, Madi. Why didn't you call me? I would have sent money. My pay may be shit, but I'm sure it would have covered those costs."

"I don't know, I really don't know Ray, there was so much shit going on at the time. I guess at the time it just seemed like you walked away from Glen Ellyn without ever looking back, well, almost like you were abandoning me."

That took me **completely** by surprise.

* * *

**Late Tuesday Night **

Ray 

_'Low blow.' I thought, cringing, '**What** do I say to that?'_

I cleared my throat.

"God, Madi. I had no idea you felt that way. I guess I just assumed that you knew I would _never_ abandon you. I'm sorry if I didn't call as often as I should have, but try to understand, I was just trying to get through college and med school, then get settled into a new city at my first real job, interning at an inner city ER. I was saving my money so I could get a bigger, better apartment so I could bring you to live with me. Just like I promised. I had no idea you felt that way. I want you to know that there was not one day that I didn't think of you. I wanted to bring you with me when I left, but I couldn't bring a 10 year old into a college dorm. When I first moved to Chicago, I was living_ in_ the hospital for God's sake! That was not the place for a 10 year old to be living, SS would've taken you away faster then you could say stop. I see it happen _every_ damn day, and I am **not** going to let that happen to you, to us. I'd rather die."

"I understand that _now_, Ray, but when you left it _seemed_ like you were abandoning me. I was 10 years old, and I fucking worshiped the ground you walked on. I didn't know what to think when you said you were leaving. I was angry, upset, hurt. I thought, at the time, that I had done something to make you leave, that you didn't love me anymore. And I was scared, scared that things would never be the same, scared you would forget about me. I was confused and still reeling from losing mom. I didn't know which way was up or down anymore, my head was so fucked up, I stopped eating, sleeping. I don't know how I was even functioning. Nick figured out what was going on and helped me get through it." She was almost yelling now, "I could talk to him almost like I could talk to you. He helped me realize that you _weren't_ abandoning me, that all those feelings that came along with the grieving process. I don't know what I would have done without him."

I still couldn't get past the fact that she had been so upset, and I hadn't _even_ noticed.

I was speechless; I didn't know what I could say to even make up for it.

"Jesus. I am so sorry Madi! I know that doesn't cut it, but you've got to understand, I was still grieving too. I was just too damn selfish to even see if you were okay. I am such an asshole, and at this point, I wouldn't even be surprised if you decided you hated me. I can't even begin to know how to make this up to you."

"Just stop worrying about it; the important thing is that you're here now, that we're finally together again. You can't keep living in the past Ray, because you can't change what happened 7 years ago. All we can do now is work on making things right again, getting things back they way they were. A lot of stuff has happened since you left Glenn Ellyn, and it's gonna take time, I'm sure there will be times when we're going to hate each other and ourselves, but we'll get through it. We always do. We've gotta stick together, we're not gonna let him break us, we _can't_ let him break us."

"Two Barnett's are better than one, huh?"

"Well, in this circumstance, yes."

"Alright Hun, I'm gonna go now, you need to get some sleep, and Abby's been alone in the room too long, and I have a feeling tonight's gonna be a rough one."

"Ok, I love you Ray."

* * *

_Katy loves you...now show her you love her...just push that lil purple button...you guys are awesome_

_p.s. this was originally a 3 part chapter _


	18. Kisses and Confrontation

_Chapter 18: Kisses and Confrontation_

**Wednesday Morning**

Abby

When I woke up the next morning, Ray was gone.

I stretched, moaning quietly as a sharp pain shot through my lower back.

"_Ugh, hotel beds __suck__!" _

"Hey, you okay?" I heard from somewhere to the left of me.

I jack-knifed up, looking around to see where the voice had come from, my eyes finally lighting on Ray, sitting in a chair by the window.

"Jesus Ray, you scared the shit out of me!! Yes, I'm fine; my back always hurts when I get up in the morning."

He looked at me, emerald green eyes piercing, almost as if he was trying to figure out whether I was lying or something. I guess I pulled the innocent act off pretty well, because he seemed to believe me.

"Come here."

I climbed out of bed gingerly, not wanting to jar my back and cause more pain than I was already in. I walked the few steps to where he was seated, and he gently spun me around so my back was to him, before pulling me down onto his lap and massaging my back and shoulders.

"On the days after my father would knock my mom around, she would be really sore, and she would ask me to do this, she always said that it made her feel better." He explained.

"_Ah_," I sighed, feeling myself relax under his touch, surprisingly "That feels so good, you should have thought about being a masseuse."

"Maybe, but then I never would have met you." He whispered; mouth close to my ear.

I turned my head slowly, and our mouths connected softly, in a kiss that stole my breath.

'_Why hasn't this happened before?' _I asked myself, before shifting so that I faced him, straddling his lap.

We kissed again, with more passion, and it deepened into a make-your-head-spin-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off kinda kiss.

I ran my hands through his spiked chestnut hair, and felt his hands slide up under my shirt, rubbing my back in slow circles.

_**RING!**_

"FUCK!" he groaned, and ignored it, but I reminded him that it might be Madi, and he should probably answer it.

"**What?!**" he answered upon answering his phone. "Oh shit, sorry JT, I thought you were someone else." He said, making up a quick excuse, "Nuh-uh, we were supposed to meet up with you guys at 10."

I could hear the other person's exasperated response,

"Ray, it _is_ 10."

He looked at the clock on the nightstand, it read 10:01.

"SHIT! You're right; I guess time just got away from us." He said, winking at me, "Um, listen, we'll be there in…"

Looking at me,

"20 minutes?"

I nodded.

"In 20 minutes, c'ya bye."

I quickly dressed in my favorite jeans, and a snug black cap sleeve top, before slipping on a pair of black flip flops. I pulled my blonde hair up in a messy bun, adding eyeliner, mascara and cherry flavored Chapstick before emerging from the tiny "bathroom."

"Alright Ray, we better go before you get in anymore trouble with your friends."

"But Abby!" he whined, "They won't care if we're a few more minutes late; they've been waiting since 10."

"But I don't want to make a bad impression." I whined back.

He let out an exaggerated sigh.

We finally left, and walked to the diner, which was only a few blocks away.

At the restaurant, I was introduced to JT, an slightly older looking carbon copy of Nick, but with a goatee and eyes that seemed almost omnipresent; and Leslie, a tall, fair skinned auburn haired girl with striking green eyes.

"Hi, I'm Leslie." She said, with a slight southern drawl, extending her hand and smiling.

We all hit it off really well; they spent some time catching up on what had happened in each others lives since they'd last talked. Leslie had recently become engaged, and had moved to South Carolina, which explained her slight accent; but had come home as soon as she heard what happened to Madison. JT had stayed to "hold down the fort" and keep an eye on Nick and Madison, helping her out whenever he could.

Leslie and I sat together, facing the entrance, and Ray and JT sat backs to the entrance. They had just gotten up to go to the restroom, when the bell over the door rang, signaling a new arrival.

"Oh shit. This is NOT gonna be good." Leslie muttered; her eyes widening.

"What's not gonna be good?" I asked, concerned, because she looked scared.

"See that guy that just walked in?' She nodded toward the door, "That's Ray's father."

I looked and my mouth dropped open, he looked _exactly_ like Ray.

"Uh-oh."

I sensed more than saw Ray come up beside the booth.

"Abby? You okay?" he asked, sounding concerned but curious.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" I asked, looking up at him and smiling, as if to prove my point.

"You look like you just saw a ghost. _He's_ not here, is he?"

_I_ knew he was referring to Richard, but Leslie didn't, and she looked nervous, like she thought I was going to tell Ray that his father was here.

"No, he's not. I hope to God he doesn't show up. We actually used to come here a lot; I haven't come since everything happened, so I don't know if he still comes here anymore."

Leslie had a perplexed expression on her face, like she had just entered a conversation that she had absolutely no idea what anyone was talking about. Which she didn't.

I turned to her, and explained

"He's talking about my ex-husband, Richard."

"Oh." She said, sounding relieved.

"Who did you think I was asking about, Les?"

"Um…I don't know, I thought maybe she knew someone here that she didn't want to see. Or something." She said, sounding uncertain, but Ray didn't seem to pick up on it. "Which, evidently there is."

Unfortunately he chose that exact moment to look up, coming face to face with his father.

"You fucking bastard, what do you think you're doing back here? You don't belong here anymore." His father hissed.

"I'm the bastard?" Ray scoffed, and shot back "_I'm_ not the one drinking themselves to death, and beating their daughter."

Leslie's eyes widened.

"You son of a bitch, like you would even know? It's not like you call her or come see her."

'_Ouch' _I thought, cringing inwardly.

"Let's just say I have my ways." Ray said, smirking down at his father, who was at least 3 inches shorter.

Before we even saw what was happening, Chris' arm shot out, in an attempt to deck Ray.

Leslie shrieked.

Ray ducked, and quick as lightning, his hand shot out, grabbing Chris' arm and twisting it behind his back, and shoving him against the table.

"I swear to God, if you come anywhere near Madison or me, you're a dead man Chris. A **dead man**."  
He released his hold, brushing his hands off, glaring at the man who had given him life.

"Watch your back Chris. You know I mean what I say."  
Chris stalked away and out the door, never looking back.

I looked around, trying to figure out where JT had been during this whole episode, and noticed that every pair of eyes in the diner were on us.

I drew in a sharp breath when my eyes locked with a pair that was _all_ too familiar.

* * *

Hope you guys liked it! let me know what you think! 


	19. Antarctica

_Author Note: Standard disclaimers apply_

* * *

_Chapter 19: Antarctica_

**Late Wednesday Morning**

Nick

I had some time to kill before visiting hours began at the hospital, and I vaguely remembered Les saying something about meeting up with Ray at the diner; so I figured I'd drop by and see if they were still there. I walked in to an almost silent restaurant, with all eyes on the table occupied by my sister, Abby, and Ray.

Ray looked like he was going to strangle someone, Les looked jumpy, and Abby was looking over her shoulder, still as a statue. JT was nowhere to be seen. For some reason I found myself worrying more about Abby than my sister, even though I barely knew her, but Abby has that effect on people, as I would later find out.

I walked up, "Hey guys, how goes it?"

Leslie jumped at the sound of my voice, than blushed lightly; Ray gave me a look that said, _'I'll tell ya later;'_ and Abby remained unmoving.

Looking at Ray, I nodded to her,

"What's up with Abby?"

He looked over, realizing for the first time the state Abby was in.

"_Christ_, Abby?"

She didn't respond, and Leslie immediately scooted out of the booth so Ray could slide in and take care of Abby. She reached up to hug me, which kind of scared me, because she wasn't normally all clingy like that, before asking,

"Nick, could you go find JT? He and Ray went to the restroom about 20 minutes ago, but he never came back."

"Yeah, I'll be right back, than you guys can fill us both in on what just happened."

"Mm, yeah…" she said, her eyes focused on Abby, and I could tell she wanted to help, her "maternal" instincts were itching to take over.

"Let Ray handle it for now, Les."

She rolled her eyes at me, and smiled briefly.

"Leslie, any idea what she's staring at?" Ray asked.

I looked in the general direction she was staring at, and I immediately saw who she was looking at, even after 2 years. He looked almost exactly like the guy from the fair, only younger, and his face didn't look as much like a pit bull as the guy from the fair, but his eyes were the same color. _In fact_, I think he had shown up shortly after Madi and my encounter with his brother.

"Nope, no idea; I think she might've been looking for JT, but I'm not sure." I'd let Abby explain, I didn't want to get mixed up with Greg Lockhart.

The other guy evidently broke eye contact, cause Abby suddenly slumped down, taking a shaky breath, and leaning against Ray.

"Hey, what was that all about babe?" he asked softly, gently pushing her bangs out of her eyes.

She just shook her head, and scooted closer to Ray; I headed off to find JT.

Madi

The old gang (with the exception of Abby) trooped in my room around noon, but there was something going on, I could tell immediately.

Ray looked extremely pissed off, Abby seemed strangely vulnerable, and her eyes were hooded, like she was trying to hide something, the walls were back up, I could tell. It was like she was trying to protect herself from something…or some_one_.

Leslie looked dazed, JT was just as mellow as ever, and Nick was…well, Nick was Nick.

We all hung out for awhile, before Nick said he was thirsty, and was going to get a drink; did anyone want anything?

He asked Abby to come with him, saying something about Les, Ray and I needing to catch up, or something. I noticed when they left how close to Nick Abby was staying,

'_Something happened this morning, I wish I knew what.'_ I thought, worried. This wasn't the Abby I'd met yesterday.

Nick

We walked out the door, but instead of heading to the vending machines like I'd said, I pulled her into a waiting area.

"Hey, what was up at the diner?"

"Nothing." She said, fiddling with a flower shaped necklace, made of some kind of shell; abalone, maybe?

"I saw who you were looking at."

She looked up at me, startled; eyes wide.

"W-w-what are you talking about? I wasn't staring at anyone."

"I saw that guy, who is he? He looks an awful lot like the guy from the fair."

"It's Richard's brother, Greg." She said finally, apparently figuring out that I wasn't gonna give in until she told me who it was at the restaurant.

"Oh…"

She suddenly looked up at me with an intensity that made me kind of nervous.

"Don't tell Ray." She pleaded, eyes huge, "He has enough to worry about with Madi and Chris."

"It'll be ok Abby. We'll all keep an eye on you; me and JT; we just gotta make sure you're never alone, except like in the bathroom and shit." I added, and that got a small smile out of her. "Nothing will happen as long as one of us is there with you."

"Thanks." She whispered, barely audible.

I grinned down at her, "Now c'mon Abalone, we better get back before they start thinking we eloped to Antarctica or something."

She cracked up.

"Abalone, I like it…" she said, looking up at me, then got this puzzled look on her face, "Wait a minute, who'd want to elope to Antarctica?"

"I really don't know, wanna try it?"

She laughed again, and as we walked back into Madi's room,

"But seriously! _Who_ would want to elope to Antarctica?!"

All eyes were on us, as we walked in the door,

"Could someone please tell me?!"

"You, Abby." JT deadpanned. "You would elope to Antarctica."

She thought about it for a minute,

"You know, you're probably right." She said, _completely_ serious.


	20. Discharged, Finally

_Chapter 20: Discharged, Finally_

**Wednesday Afternoon**

Ray

When Abby and Nick returned, she was in an obviously better mood. They were bantering back and forth, something about eloping to Antarctica. I admit I was jealous. I hadn't been able to make her laugh like that all day. Well, with the exception of this morning.

I noticed that the guarded look in her eyes was mostly gone, and I felt a rush of relief. She came over and I slipped my arm around her waist, a gesture that was slightly possessive, but mostly the need to touch her. She looked up and smiled before resting her head on my shoulder.

I noticed her tense when Nick motioned for JT to meet him outside the room, and squeezed her a little tighter.

Leaning over, I whispered in her ear,

"What's going on? You've been acting weird since the restaurant."

"Nothing." She replied, not meeting my eyes.

"You sure?" I pressed.

"Yeah." she said, sounding irritated.

"Ok." I said, making it known I didn't believe her, hoping she'd get the point and tell me what was going on.

Madi must have noticed the tension between us,

"Ray when do I get sprung? I _need_ to get out of here."

She hadn't set foot in a hospital since the night Mom died, with the exception of this hospitalization. They brought back too many bad memories.

"Well if all goes well, possibly this afternoon, Madison." Her doctor answered, upon entering the room.

"Oh, hi Dr. Stabler." She replied, "Really? I might get out today?"

"Yes, I just need to check you over, see how your knee is healing."

"Her knee seems to be healing fairly well from what I see, I checked her over earlier." I interjected.

"Ray?" she asked.

"The one and only." I responded lightly.

"Good to see you finally came back in town; unfortunate reason I must say, but it's good to see you nonetheless. So where are you working now?"

"Resident, Cook County General ER."

"Hm, you're working with some of the best doctors in the country there. Is John Carter still there?"

I felt Abby stiffen at the mention of Carter's name.

"No ma'am. He recently returned to Darfur."

"He always was one to help others, such a sweet young man."

"Mind me asking how you know Dr. Carter?"

"No, not at all. I had the honor of meeting him at a conference in Philadelphia about 4 years ago."

"Oh."

"Well Madison, your knee does seem to be healing quite well. Can you bend it?"

"Barely, it's pretty stiff." She said, demonstrating, and wincing slightly.

"Good, good. Some stiffness should be expected during the healing process. Have you been doing the exercises the physical therapist showed you?"

"Yup, but I have to stop sometimes because my knee hurts so much."

"Well if it hurts too much you should stop and rest for a little while, then resume the simpler ones. You need to start rebuilding the strength in your knee, but you have to be careful not to do any more damage."

"So things look good?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes, I'll send a nurse with the discharge papers for you to sign."

"YAY," Madi squealed. "I get to go home!"

"We need to figure out living arrangements, and get that out of the way. When does school get out?" I asked.

"It gets out this coming Friday. We've got exams starting Monday." Nick replied.

"Madi, are you planning to go to school on Monday?" I asked.

"Yes, I've missed enough as it is, and I don't want to miss finals."

"Ray, how much time did you take off?" Abby asked.

"They gave me 10 days off, what about you?"

"I got 9 days off."

"So we've been here 2 days, we could probably stay and get everything sorted out before we have to go."

"Hm." She replied, and I noticed Nick and JT exchange dubious glances.

'_They know something.'_ I thought, before helping Madi get all her stuff together.

* * *

_Not the best chapter, but hey, it's mostly a filler...kind of...not really, but whatever..._

_Katy loves you..._


	21. Confessions

_Author Note: Standard disclaimers apply_

_

* * *

_

_Chapter 21: Confessions_

**Wednesday Night**

Abby

After Madi was discharged, the six of us went out to dinner, before going and getting her settled at Nick's.

Back at the hotel Ray and I were lounging around, the television turned to some cheesy made for TV movie. My head was resting on his arm, and he was playing with my hair, something he always seemed to be doing; when I finally confessed what had been bothering me.

"Ray?"

"Yeah babe?"

"If I tell you something will you promise not to get angry?" I asked.

"I can't promise I won't get angry, but I _can_ promise to _try_ not to get angry."

'_Good enough.'_

"I saw…" I started.

"What'd you see Abby?" he asked, rolling over so he look at me.

"I saw…Richard's brother Greg…at the diner…this morning…" I answered, hating my voice for cracking.

"**WHAT?!!**" he snapped, eyes flashing.

I flinched, and he pulled back, eyes wide, noticing the fear that showed in my eyes, realizing he was partly to blame.

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you." He said, rubbing my arm softly.

"It's okay." I whispered, not trusting my voice.

"Why didn't you tell me when we where at the diner? I would've beaten the shit out of him for you." He said, only half joking.

"You were busy with Chris." I replied simply.

His eyes hardened for a moment.

"Don't you know you're more important to me than _he_ will **ever** be?" He said, spitting 'he' out like it was poison.

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, I would give you the world if I could."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I don't want the world then, huh?" I asked, smiling up at him.

He grinned, "Yeah, I guess so."

"I have another question, but you don't have to answer it if you don't want to."

"Shoot."

"What exactly started the feud between you and your father?"

His mouth became a thin, hard line, and his eyes filled with so much hate, I was scared of what he might do. I'd only seen that look once, the night I almost died. It was a look I _never _wanted to see again.

He thought for a moment,

"I think…I think it was because he hurt my mom, who was the only person who loved me, well, other than Madi, and I couldn't do anything to help. Every time I would even _attempt_ to intervene, not only would he hurt me, but he would hurt Mom even worse. I constantly felt helpless, like nothing I could ever do would keep him away from her. Or from me. I **_hate_** that feeling."

"I know what that's like."

"You don't know what the hell it's like!" he exploded suddenly.

"**The hell I don't**, I had to protect my brother, my mother _and_ myself from every drunk ass loser that walked through the door! Let alone the father that liked to "play games" with his little girl! Don't fucking tell me I don't fucking know what you're fucking going through!" I screamed right back.

He just sat there completely silent, and even after I closed my eyes against the hot, angry tears that were threatening to spill over, I could still see the stunned expression on his face. I didn't understand why he was so surprised. Suddenly, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

'_Shit…I never told him…he doesn't know…now I'm gonna hafta explain…and relive all the memories again…'_ ran through my head, _'maybe he won't ask.'_ I thought, knowing there was no way I was gonna get away with not telling him.

* * *

_Abby's past revealed...just what will next? _

_Let me know what you think..._


	22. Mistaken Revelation Part I

_Well guys, I'm gonna upload the last few chapters from All Bottled Up, and then soon, maybe today, you will see alll new content!! I'll finally be posting new, never before seen chapters...I'm so excited! Thanks to all those how review, you're the reason I write...I hope you enjoy!!!

* * *

_

_  
I tried to save you from the dried up crowd  
A perfect song to forget what you used to cry about  
When the world has laid you low  
You can come to me and I promise I won't tell a soul_

**-Not a Soul**

**The Appearance**

_Chapter 22: Mistaken Revelation_

**Late Wednesday Night**

Ray

I felt sick to my stomach after Abby's revelation, Abby's _mistaken_ revelation. She turned away from me, took a deep, shaky breath before turning back to face me. I could tell she was trying desperately to fight back tears, but a few trickled out.

"Abby?" I asked, and my voice sounded strangled.

She bit her lower lip, a gesture that would have been extremely cute any other time,

"Please…don't make me relive it…don't make me go through it again…" she sobbed, and it scared me, because I had never seen her cry like this; deep, racking sobs that left her gasping for air. They were the kind of sobs from someone who doesn't cry very often, yet she'd cried twice now in the past 2 days. I pulled her into my arms, holding her close, rubbing her back.

"Shhh…it's ok…you don't have to tell me anything right now…whenever you're ready I'm here."

We sat there for God knows how long, me rocking her back and forth, her sobbing until no tears were left.

"This is what you were so upset about yesterday, after you talked to Madi, isn't it?" I asked.

She nodded her head slightly.

Sometime later, she finally fell asleep in my arms, and I gently laid her down, and covered her up, before laying down myself. But instead of falling asleep, I spent most of the night lying awake, thinking about what Abby had said to me, or rather, screamed at me.

"_The hell I don't, I had to protect my brother, my mother __**and**__ myself from every drunk ass loser that walked through the door! Let alone the father that liked to "play games" with his little girl! Don't fucking tell me I don't fucking know what you are fucking going through!"_

**Thursday Morning**

She was still asleep when I woke up around 8ish. She looked so peaceful and innocent when she slept.

'_Why would anyone want to hurt her?' _She has had so much shit dealt to her in her life, yet she is probably the strongest person I know.

She stirred and began to wake up.

I ran my thumb lightly down her cheek,

"I'm sorry."

"If anyone should say sorry, it's me. I should have told you everything. Madi's the only one I've _ever_ told. And I don't even know why I told her."

"It's ok."

I brushed my lips lightly over hers, and immediately felt the electricity crackling between us. I captured her lips with my own, running my tongue slowly over her lips, requesting entrance. She rolled on top of me, and I placed my hands on her waist, as our tongues did a wildly passionate dance. I lightly bit her lip, and she let out a soft moan. Her hands were running through my hair, as my caressed every reachable part of her body.

We released our lips reluctantly, both breathing heavily.

"Abby" I groaned huskily, once again capturing her lips with my own, sliding my hands up under her tank top, exploring every inch of her. She arched her back in response, and I rolled, cradling her in my arms, so I was on top, elbows supporting me.

"Abby...are we...going too...fast?" I asked between kisses.

"No...I'll let you know if we are."

"M'kay." I replied, pulling her tank top off over her head. She gasped as I slowly traced around her navel, and along her collar bone. I slowly kissed her torso, starting along her throat, and ending just below her navel, than back up.

"Ray." she sighed, arching her back again. I ran my finger lightly under the waistband of her pajama bottoms. All the while she was completely exploring my torso and back, tracing each new found muscle, kissing my neck and throat, running her hands through my hair. Before I even realized, her pajama bottoms were gone. I slowly caressed the sloping curves of her thighs, running my finger along the edge of her panty-line.

She stiffened suddenly.

"Ray."

"Yeah baby?" I asked kissing her throat.

"I can't. Not now." she said, breaking down.

"Hey now, don't cry baby. It's okay." I said, wiping her tears away with my thumbs, "It's alright, stop crying please. I'm not mad, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She sobbed over and over and over again.

I placed my finger on her lips, and looked her in the eyes,

"Abby. Stop. Right now. It's alright, you're fine. Nothing's gonna happen. Quit apologizing."

She was gasping for air now; doubled over, clutching her stomach, borderline hyperventilating.

"Look at me Abby. You need to calm down. Deep breaths Abby, take deep breaths."

After about 5 minutes she finally calmed down.

"Abby, please, you need to tell me whatever it is you've never told me. I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what it is that's wrong. I can't stand seeing you this way.


	23. Mistaken Revelation Part II

_Previously on **A Hidden Feeling**:_

_"Abby, please, you need to tell me whatever it is you've never told me. I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what it is that's wrong. I can't stand seeing you this way."_

_

* * *

_

_Chapter 23: Mistaken Revelation Part II_

**Late Wednesday Night**

Ray

"My ass! Why would you, Ray Barnett, rock god with a doctor day job, want to help me, Abigail Lockhart, baggage-laden alcoholic?"

"Because I have never felt this way about someone before, ever. You make me _feel_, Abby, feel things I've never felt before. When I'm with you, I'm not the cold, unfeeling asshole everyone seems to think I am."

"You may say that now, but it won't last. Everyone always says that. But you know what _always_ happens Ray? Do you? They leave. They leave, that's what happens. They always leave."

"Yeah, well in _case_ you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly everyone, Abby. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, there might _actually_ be someone that wants to be there for you in the long haul? Did you ever think that **maybe** there's someone who really does care about you? Or have you been too busy wallowing in your own self pity to notice that there was actually someone there for you if you needed them?"

"That is not true. You have **no** right to say that to me!"

"It _is_ true and you know it. You just don't want to admit it, because that would mean that someone other than you was right, and you were wrong. Or are you scared of taking a risk that may very well lead to something you could, I don't know, maybe _count on_ for once?"

She had no reply for this.

"Look, I'm sorry for yelling, I just don't understand why you won't tell me this. After everything we've been through together, why can't you tell me? Do you not trust me? All I want to do is help you, but how can I if you won't _let_ me? Why won't you let me in? Why do the walls continuously go up when I ask you about the nightmares, about your childhood? I want to know what makes you so scared at times that you don't talk for hours. But you just won't tell me."

Her resolve seemed to begin to crack.

"I really don't know Ray. It's…It's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again, like you have this fear that everyone you start to like, to trust is going to break you heart…it's hard to let someone in again…I let Carter in, and he left me for Africa, I let Luka in and he broke my heart…I'm just tired of getting hurt every time I start to trust someone again."

I cupped her face in my hands,

"Abby, you've got to believe me. I'm not going to leave you, please, just let me in." she looked like she was gonna break down and tell me, but instead she turned on me.

"Yeah, well in case you haven't noticed, _you_ haven't exactly let _me_ in either. Every time I even mention your past or your childhood _you_ completely shut down. Why should I tell _you_ if you won't tell _me_?"

"Alright, you want to know _my_ past? I'll tell you. My parents never wanted me in the first place. My father beat my mom and me every frigging chance he got. He raped my mother, that's were Madi comes in. She was wanted even less than I was. Yet Madi, Madi was the golden child. Until the day he snapped. Went on _another_ bender, beat my mother so bad we thought she was dead, Madi heard the whole thing. Two days later someone broke in and stabbed our mother, let her bleed to death, while Madi hid at the top of the stairs. She saw everything, and I wasn't there to protect them. Is that enough or do you want me to delve deeper, recall every moment even as it happens? Because I can. Do you wanna hear…"

* * *

Abby

Just like that, he stopped talking; didn't even finish his sentence. He got real pale, and his breathing became shallow.

"Ray? Ray are you okay?"

* * *

Ray

_"Get away from her! Stop it, you're hurting her!" I cried, trying to get him to stop beating her._

_I stepped forward, grabbing his arm, and he abruptly turned on me, throwing me against the wall before smashing a beer bottle over my head. Then everything went black._

"Stop it Ray, you're scaring me!" I could hear Abby calling in the distance, like a radio station that didn't come in clearly. I slowly opened my eyes, and Abby's face swam above me. I felt her hands on my face, trying to get me to snap out of it.

'_Whoa, wait a minute, where am I?'_

I tried pushing myself up, and groaned as the room spun. "Ugh what happened?"

"You tell me." She said, giving me the classic 'Abby stare.'

I scrubbed at my face with the heels of my hands, "I'm thinking that that would be the equivalent of your nightmares."

"Um…okay…" she said, looking baffled.

"A flashback."

"Hmm…what was that of?"

"That was the night my father bashed me over the head with a frigging beer bottle." I scoffed, "_That_ was fun."

* * *


	24. Telepathy

_Chapter 23: Telepathy_

**Late Wednesday Night/**

**Early Thursday Morning**

Madi

_I was thirsty, so thirsty._

_I snuck out of my bedroom, and took slow, quiet steps into the hall_

_Walking down the stairs, all I saw was blood. Bright red._

_Covering her._

_She wasn't moving._

_"Mommy? Mommy, what's wrong?"_

_"Its okay baby, Mommy's fine."_

_She wasn't._

_"I need you to go upstairs now honey."_

_Her voice was weak._

_Barely a whisper._

_"Can you do that for Mommy?"_

_"But I don't want to leave you Mommy."_

_"Go upstairs sweetie, hurry, before the bad man sees you."_

_"But I'm thirsty Mommy. I want a drink."_

I whined

_"You can get a drink upstairs, baby. Just do as Mommy says."_

She was pleading now

_"I wuv you Mommy."_

_"I wuv you too, munchkin. Hurry now."_

I didn't hurry fast enough though

He caught me

* * *

Ray

I jolted awake, immediately realizing why. Throwing the comforter and sheets back, I jumped out of bed, awakening Abby in the process,

"Ray, what's going on?" she asked groggily.

I didn't reply, just quickly dialed Nick's house, not caring that it was 2 o'clock in the morning.

Leslie answered,

"Hello?"

"Les, its Ray-"

She abruptly cut me off,

"She had another dream, she's pretty shaken up, Nick's with her now. I'll go give her the phone."

"Ray?" Madi answered.

"Hey sweetie, are you okay?"

"I guess." She said shakily.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I'll be okay. I've got Nick, Les, and JT. You need to stay with Abby."

"Are you sure?" I pressed.

"She needs you more than you know."

"Jesus Madi, you sound like a frigging 50 year old." I said, chuckling, "Watch Dr. Phil much?"

She giggled, which is what I was hoping for, and immediately shot back,

"Well if _I'm_ a 50 year old that makes _you_ a 60 year old. And _ew_, he's creepy."

"Ha-ha, _very_ funny Mads." I said sarcastically. "Are you sure you don't want me to come over?"

"Yes Ray, I'm positive, just stay with Abby."

"Alright, call me if you need anything. I love you."

"Ok, I will. I love you too Ray. Night."

"Night."

* * *

Madi

"You okay Madison Claire Gardens?" Nick asked, using my pet name, as he sat on the edge of my, well, Leslie's, bed.

"Yeah, I'll be okay."

"Alright then, I'm gonna go to bed now."

Suddenly I could feel the panic rising in the back of my throat.

"Don't leave me! I don't want to be alone…" I cried, grabbing his arm.

"Ok, hey its ok, I'm not gonna leave you. I promise." He said, stretching out next to me. He pulled me close, arms wrapped around my waist. I squirmed, and he released me. I rolled over so I was facing him, wrapped my arm around his waist, my head on his chest, snuggling closer than most consider 'just friends.' One arm wrapped around my waist, he rubbed my back in slow circles.

"Thank you."

* * *

Ray

"Ray what happened?"

I paced the room thinking back to the first time this had happened.

"Ray, are you gonna talk to me?" Abby's exasperated voice rang out from across the room.

"Sorry, Abs, I was thinking about something Madi just said."

"It's okay. Just tell me what happened. And stop pacing, you're making me dizzy."

"Sorry."

"And quit saying sorry."

"Demanding aren't we?" I teased.

"Cocky aren't we?" she retorted.

"Touché."

"Now, will you answer my damn question?!"

"Meow!"

She glared at me, I held my hands up in a peace like gesture,

"Okay, okay. Madi has always been, and always will be one of my best friends. We can read each other like a book. For some strange reason, I always know when she has a nightmare. If I'm asleep I wake up, when I'm working I get shaky. It's been this way as long as I can remember. It's like some weird connection kind of thing."

"That's really weird, it sounds almost like telepathy, except for the fact I don't really believe in that kind of stuff."

"Hm…I never really thought of it that way."

"So I take it that's what just happened."

"Yeah, hopefully that's the only one tonight." I said, before getting lost in my thoughts again.

'_I wonder what Madi meant by Abby needs me more than I know. She obviously knows whatever it is that Abby isn't telling me. And I know for a fact there's no use trying to get Madi to tell me._'

I sighed deeply, lacing my fingers through my hair.

'_Maybe it has something to do with her seeing Greg today. Might as well give it a try._'

I layed down next to her on the bed, and turned onto my side so that I was facing her.

"Abby, do you think Greg is going to call Richard? Is that what you're so worried about?"

"Honestly? I don't know if he will or not. But I do know it's a strong possibility that he might. Greg was always the 'accomplice' whenever Richard did anything. Adrian, the youngest, was always the one to help me. He wasn't anything like the oafish brutes his older brothers were. Hell, he smuggled me out of Minnesota. We still keep in touch. He might know where Richard is. But I wouldn't be surprised if Richard makes an appearance in the next few days. That's how he works."

"Were you gonna tell me about Greg, or were you just planning on not telling me at all?" I asked, and it came out sounding rather accusatory.

"Do you know how much I wanted to tell you **when** it happened?"

"If you wanted to so badly, _why_ didn't you tell me when it happened?"

"Don't you think you have enough to worry about right now with Madi, Chris, and everything else that's been going on lately? I didn't want you to worry about something as small and trivial as seeing my ex-brother-in-law."

"Well, judging by what you just hinted at about said brother-in-law, I don't think it's something as little as you seem to want me to think. And besides, didn't I tell you that you're way more important than Chris?"

"Yes, you did, but God, you'd just had this _altercation_ with _said_ person, and you were **majorly** pissed. I knew if I told you, you'd beat the shit out of him right there with everyone on the diner as witnesses and you'd most likely be spending the night in jail. And then I'd be all alone." She finished almost mournfully.

"Well, you've got a point there, but you could've told me at the hospital."

"You were busy getting Madi discharged."

I decided to change the topic, seeing as this wasn't getting us anywhere.

"So what took you and Nick so long to come back from getting the sodas today; which if I may point out, you didn't even bring back."

* * *

_Standard disclaimers apply_

_New chapters next!!!! _


	25. Baby B

_Chapter 24: Baby B._

**Thursday Morning**

Abby

I woke up before Ray the following morning, and decided to call Neela and see what we'd missed over the past four days.

'_Four days?! Has it really been that long?'_

Neela must've been at work because I got her answering machine. I listened to the recording, laughing out loud when I heard myself singing a particularly bad rendition of "Had a Bad Day," obviously not knowing she had been changing the recording. I couldn't believe she'd left that on there, and made a mental note to, I don't know, maybe _kill_ her. I was trying to figure out why it was _me_ on the recording and not _Ray_ before I realized it was her cell phone I had called, _not_ the apartment as I'd previously thought. Then I felt like a complete idiot. Oops. Ray stirred, so I hung up the phone without leaving a message. I walked over to the bed, jumping up on it; Ray opened up one eye, and looked up at me,

"So not cool."

I grinned down at him,

"Come on, get up, I'm hungry!"

He pulled his pillow over his head and uttered a muffled

"You're always hungry Abby."

I glared at him, even though he couldn't see me; that is, unless he had X-Ray vision;

"I resent that observation, Mr. I-had-three-cheeseburgers-for-dinner-last-night-and-a-milkshake-_**and**__-_Abby's-fries."

After that he didn't say anything, and I figured he's fallen asleep again. I turned away and started to get up, but he reached out and grabbed me around the waist, sat up and growled, pulling me onto his lap in one consecutive motion. He pressed his face into my neck, his morning whiskers tickling me. I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek, feeling the rough stubble. I sighed, and he pulled away, grinning down at me. I twisted to face him and he pulled me closer, our lips crashing together again. I ran my tongue across his lips, they immediately parted, and our tongues danced. He groaned into my mouth, the reverberation tickled. He brought his hand up to cup my cheek, as mine ran through his hair, which was surprisingly soft. We broke apart completely breathless, and I could clearly see the fierce desire in his eyes. I grinned at him, and leaned in for another kiss, this one even more fiery and passionate than the last, if that was even possible. His hands were all over me, gentle, yet demanding at the same time. I broke away and got up, knowing how much he would hate it. Teasing him was _so_ much fun.

He lunged for me, but I jumped out of the way, laughing the whole time. He looked at me, one eyebrow quirked; I smirked at him and stuck out my tongue before sprinting to the bathroom to take a shower.

We met up with Nick and Madi a few blocks from the hotel, Ray and I trailing behind, pinkies linked. We heard Madi shriek and Ray immediately went into defense mode. I looked up to see what was going on ahead of us, and saw Madi had somehow managed to jump up on Brett, wrapping her legs around his waist. Ray sauntered up to the trio, now knowing there was no threat.

"What did you get yourself into _this_ time Baby B?" Brett asked teasingly.

"What is it with you guys and nicknames?" I asked incredulously, and was answered by 4 pairs of rolling eyes.

"Oh, just threw myself in front of a moving vehicle Monday," she answered breezily, as if this kind of thing was a daily occurrence.

Brett cringed and let out a short puff of air,

"You have some **serious** thrill issues, kid."

"Considering who I grew up with, I don't _necessarily_ think so." She retorted looking pointedly at Ray and Brett.

"Ohhh." Nick said, laughing.

"Touche!"

Brett noticed me then, "Ah, the lovely Dr. Lockhart."

"Hey Brett, what are you doing here?"

"Dr. Neela." He grinned, nodding his head.

The look on Ray's face was priceless.

"Oh man I wish I had a camera. Ray you should see your face." Madi said.

"Wait!" Nick said, pulling out his camera phone and snapping a quick picture.

He and Madi high-fived each other, simultaneously saying

"Blackmail, baby!"

"Shit!" Ray exclaimed.

"Yeah, when you didn't call, she like _totally_ freaked, called me to see if I had heard anything. I was like, completely clueless, so she filled me in on what she knew and I offered to come see what was up, with strict orders to report back once I found you guys."

"Aw, well isn't that sweet?" Madi said sarcastically.

Just then my phone rang,

'_Baby, I need to see the daylight_

_Leave behind the half life_

_Don't you see I'm breaking down._

_Oh lately something here don't feel right_

_This is just a past life_

_Is there really no escape, no escape from time_

_Of any kind'_

Ray and Madi started singing it along with my phone.

Nick and Brett looked at each other,

"_That_ was creepy." They said simultaneously.

"No, what's creepy is the fact that Ray even _knows_ that song."

"Oh poned!" Nick said.

"Sorry to interrupt your little…freestyle, but I gotta answer my phone.

"Hello?"

"Did you call me earlier?"

"Well hello to you too. Yeah, I did. And did I mention just how much I _love_ your voicemail?" I asked sarcastically.

She laughed, and I scowled, even though I knew she couldn't see it.

Ray tapped me on the shoulder, mouthing,

"Who is it?"

I covered the mouthpiece,

"Neela."

He looked like he'd swallowed a bug. Nick snapped another picture.

"So what's you guys' excuse for not calling me?"

"I _knew_ that was coming. Things just got really crazy and we haven't gotten a chance to even sit down hardly. More than one event went down involving people neither of us wanted to see."

"Well that doesn't sound good. Let me guess, Ray's father and Brett?"

"Ouch, that was harsh, and yes about the first and no on the second."

"Oh no, you didn't see Richard did you?"

I could hear Luka in the background; "Is that Abby? Is she okay? What's going on?"

"You're at work aren't you? And no, thank God. I don't know what I would do if I had."

"Yes, and if it wasn't Richard, who was it?" I could hear a muffled, exasperated, "She's fine Luka."

"Do you remember me telling you about his brother, Greg?"

Madi looked at me quizzically, and I mouthed, "You'll find out, don't worry."

"I thought he was in jail."

I could hear Luka. "Give me the phone. _Give_ me the phone Neela, I want to talk to her."

"Tell Luka I'll call him later okay?"

"She said she'll call you later Luka.

"So back to Greg…"

"I thought he was too, but evidently not. Anyway, Brett just hunted us down, so I guess we'll call you later and fill you in on everything that has happened. When does your shift end?"

"5:00, I gotta go, MVA coming in. I'll talk to you soon."

"Alright, tell everyone I said hi, and have Luka call me when he gets a chance."

"I will."

"Later."

"Bye."

* * *

_well that's it! hope you guys like...there's more. but that's all i have typed up right now, so you'll have to wait...i hope you guys liked it..._

_For anyone who doesn't know: "Poned" is basically the same thing as getting owned, burned, whatever you want to call it. It's just something that my friends and I do. Also rumored to appear in a Mario Brothers game._

_Disclaimer: I do not own "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter, or "Half Life" by Duncan Sheik, which was featured in the movie "What a Girl Wants" which I also do not own_


End file.
